[poetry] help me figure this out before mid-september

so i work at this university (christian) (in a job i’ve always wanted) (i told them a lot of things to get hired) (before you judge me, spend a month unemployed in the state of california)

and we get free admission to shows at the performing arts centre, right? and i’m a filthy liberal arts major,

so i’m like hey, h. (love of my life) (my everything) (my best friend and partner of three years, they/them), we should go.

and h. is like, fuck yes, because h. is a fan of music and such.

but then recently h. is like, yeah, i probably shouldn’t accompany you to any school events.

since i’d meet your coworkers (my friends) (i talk their ears off at work) (i talk a lot about my boyfriend, who i live with) (he’s exactly like h. but he’s cis and centrist and brunet and methodist (like me))

and your boss (who loves everybody, but might love the angry God more)

and my hair alone has a kind of wine-dark sea queerpunk commune thing going on. like, they know what a faggot looks like, right?

and i’m like, yeah, probably.

i mean, i never did tell them my boyfriend’s name. 

so i could always give them another name and you could be my roommate, h., who just has everything in common with the man i’m going to marry.

and we’ll be the roommates who are kinda touchy and smiley and maybe we’ll get a look or two, but listen, i’ve got it all figured out.

i’ll tell them my friends were always from the church (down the street) (i haven’t been, we’re closer to the synagogues) till i learned that other people have love in them.

and you’re not faithless, you just don’t rock with the people who fear God and make it everybody else’s problem. well, that’s a bit aggressive, but you get the idea.

and i’ll say so, yeah, h. and i met — let’s say in a creative writing class, that’s mostly true —

and of course h. has met my boyfriend, but he couldn’t make it, so we offered my free ticket to h. and then if my work friends are like, your friend is really interesting! i’ll say yeah, we met in la.

(h. came from the most conservative city in our state (and lived).)

i know this sounds like a lot but when h. and i talked about it the other day, they were like, i’ll come when i’ve been on T for a while.

and i know it’s selfish but the show i want to see (a visiting pianist) (i want to learn, and play for them) is in mid-september (two weeks from now) and h. won’t have started then (it’s not safe) (we live in america).

and i have this stupid vision of h. and i all dressed up because that’s what friends do for fun together.

and we take a walk through the campus and we’re talking and laughing so loudly that we must belong there, right.

and we walk by the chapel and into the theatre and i ask if we can sit towards the back, and h. is like, why, you’re so anal about having a good view, but they go with me anyhow.

and we sit towards the back where there are a few more empty seats so when the lights dim, and everyone looks to the stage, i can put my hand in h.’s and only God can call me a liar.